I think all of us will agree that stress makes people eat. Or grief. Or celebration. Thankfully, these emotions are fairly easy to identify and associate with overeating.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we’re all emotional eaters. Some more than others, of course, but we all eat emotionally.

Emotional eating is simply eating to change the way we feel. And many of us eat when we feel stressed or happy or sad.

But what happens when we’re nothing but a big tangled ball of emotions and we suddenly feel crazy because we can’t identify what we’re feeling at all?

We hate our job. Our spouse is giving us the cold shoulder. We got into a fight with a coworker. Our kids are being unappreciative. The laundry is piling up…

Unfortunately, there’s no escape button.

So when we’re faced with emotions that we don’t even understand ourselves, food can seem like an easy way out.

And while food will certainly provide us an escape, sitting with this big ball of feelings – although uncomfortable – can help us sort through things so we can really see what our reality is.

When there’s a lot going on, the key is to sorta act like Vanilla Ice (wow, never thought I’d write that in a inspiration) and instead of, “Stopping, collaborating and listening” we should slow down, look, listen and feel.

Because if we don’t, this overwhelming feeling can create so much “noise” in our head that the idea of going into what I call a ‘food trance’ seems so appealing.

When we’re tempted to overeat because we feel overwhelmed, it’s helpful that we:

1. Slow down
2. Talk to a friend
3. Write it out and get clarity
4. Wait before acting
5. Think things through
6. Take each stressful situation and give it a feeling. Then –> think of three things we can do to help this situation.

While food gives us momentary escape (and this is why our short term, irrational mind is so drawn to this), it blocks us from reaching a long-term solution.

When we work to understand what we’re feeling, there is always so much clarity, insight and possibility, and that feels very exciting.

I’ll ya, the weather is all over the place. One day it’s hot, the next day it’s cold. What to wear? What to do? Craziness.

According to scientists global warming is a real problem.

I have a solution. Ready? Here it is: Let’s just shave the bears!

Let’s define bear shaving as the efforts we go to deal with the symptoms of a problem rather than addressing the cause of the problem.

Here’s a quick and funny video (work appropriate) of a bear shaving itself so it can deal with global warming: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryUcq1ztQN8

Here are a few examples of bear shaving:

We have a leaky roof, so we shave the bear by buying buckets.

We have all sorts of goals and dreams and hopes and wishes and resolutions that we never stick to. So what do we do? We shave the bear by searching for more and more tactics and delay the inevitable: taking action. When in reality we should be searching for accountability because taking action consistently isn’t easy.

Everyone loves going to the department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) and waiting around all day, right? Instead of putting a sophisticated queue management system into the DMV so that people waiting in line feel like it’s less of a mob – they should rework what actually happens in the building so the line itself disappears.

We all have emotional issues associated with eating. We shave the bear by buying all sorts of “quick fixes” instead of dealing with the issues that caused the problem in the first place.

When we get busy we try to do more in less time to keep up with it all. When what we really should do is re-evaluate our priorities.

It’s a temporary fix…

It’s bear shaving.

All of us are not bear shaving when it comes to our health and fitness goals. We are proactively dealing with it. We are taking consistent action!

But I bet we’re all bear shaving in some aspect of our lives.

The first step to eliminating bear shaving is to call it when you see it. And now that we know what it is – we can.

Why the heck does, say, a cookie have so much power over us? I swear, if someone attributes overeating to a lack of willpower one more time, I’m going to climb up to the top of the Empire State Building and scream.

We used to think of food as something we ate to fill us up. But in fact, much of the food we’re eating – this trio of fat, sugar, and salt – stimulates us. And we now know from science – this highly palatable food is absolutely activating the neural circuitry of our brains. We now know the reason we keep on eating is because of this sustained stimulation.

Sugar, salt and fat change our brain. THAT is why we can’t stop eating when we’re full. Whether we’re a healthy weight or over weight – we all think a lot about food. And controlling that urge is often the hardest part.

Sugar is the main driver of our addiction. Then if we layer it with fat, it becomes even more addictive.

But food is love. And when it comes to showing love, we all think fat, sugar and salt. Unfortunately, most people don’t celebrate special occasions with a box of broccoli.

Let’s explore why we love sugar/fat/salt so much:

Well, first it’s evolution. We’re already programmed with an attraction to sugar and fat. Then it’s neuroscience. Food that contains fat, sugar and salt changes the neuro-circuitry of our brains, and keep us addicted to this trio. It’s important to understand (and awareness is the first step) that this stuff messes with our minds. It literally turns off our brain’s satiation meter, and keeps us coming back for more.

Here are some pointers for us, so we can break this addiction:

1. Take the bread away in a restaurant. When we reduce the desire for butter or olive oil (even though it’s a healthy fat) it’s helps us overcome the cue for fat.

2. Eat every 3-4 hours. The more structured our eating is, the better. The longer we go without food, the louder our short term, irrational mind becomes.

3. Eat out less. I know this is tough as so many of our gatherings take place at a restaurant. But when we eat out, we have no idea what’s really going into our food.

4. Change our food perceptions. If we change our food stimulus-reward response from, “Wow, that’s great!” to, “That’s just fat on sugar on fat. Gross!” when we see a plate of french fries, it’ll be easier to turn it down.

Most importantly, take baby steps. We shouldn’t say, “I’m never going to have sugar, fat or salt again!” That’s unrealistic.

Instead, let’s aim to cut it out for our next meal. And then the meal after that. Or if we’re up for the challenge, the entire day.

And if we’re really up for a challenge – let’s aim to cut it out for this coming week. Not forever, not for the rest of our life – just for this coming week.

Baby steps.

When I was in 8th grade, I convinced the starter at a country club near where I lived to let me caddy. I caddied for 5 summers and I learned so much about human behavior and psychology it was incredible. I learned how to deal with all sorts and types of people.

For a job that was usually reserved for professional caddies or for kids whose parents were members – it was a tough place to be. But I worked my tail off to prove I was a hardworking kid.

Every summer morning, my mom would drive me to the course at 5:30 AM, 6 days a week. I took what I could get at first. Either I’d carry golf bags or fore-caddy to move play along. (Fore-caddying was by far less taxing because you’re not carrying bags.)

No matter what, I’d always caddy for 2 rounds – even if I carried bags – which is what I usually wound up getting. Most caddies did their one round in the morning and then would go home. But I knew if I wanted to make an impression, I couldn’t say no when I was offered a loop ( = 18 holes) as it’s called. I usually wouldn’t be done until 4 or 5 pm and sometimes I did 45 holes. That’s 2 full rounds and a 9-hole round (2.5 loops). My record was 54 holes. (3 loops)

Although this sounds self-congratulatory, I only say it to give some background.

I learned many valuable lessons but I’ll keep it only to the lesson that relates to our health and fitness, although everything relates to our health and fitness.

Here it is: Doing the right thing always feels the best. (“Thanks, Adam. I knew that.”) (“I know you do but stories are a powerful way to create change.”)

Having caddied for such a wide range of people from professional athletes to CEO’s to wives of pro athletes to people who normally wouldn’t belong to a country club when there were outings (typically a company would rent out the course for the day as a thank you to their employees) I saw lots of interesting things and met lots of different types of people.

First off, being wealthy has nothing to do with money, in my opinion. And many times the people with the most money were the worst tippers and the best tippers were those you’d least expect.

You could tell, though, how miserable some of these people really were. They were taking their misery out on me. They were projecting their unhappiness. After a while, I realized this and I didn’t take it personally. (It’s like trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. It can’t be done.)

I’ve said it before: you can tell a lot about a person by how they tip. Thankfully, besides the outliers in our society, for the most part, we all know what the right thing to do is.

And I saw it on countless faces as I was being handed a tip throughout the years. When it was a terrible tip – there was a slight discomfort in the persons eye. They knew it.

When it was a great tip there was a totally different expression. It’s as if they felt proud. And they were excited to give it to me. You know why? Doing good, feels good.

But we all know this.

Unfortunately, we don’t have ignorance on our side. I’ve said many times that ignorance is bliss. We know how great eating right and exercising can and will make us feel. We know how important our health and fitness is. We know that a huge part of our wealth is how healthy and fit we are!

Once we know something, it’s extremely hard to ignore it. And it was only those who knew they should tip, and didn’t, or those who knowingly tipped very poorly that you saw the pain in their eyes.

I was reminded of this just before. I recently moved and couches were being delivered to my apartment today. I could’ve easily not tipped these guys – after all, I’ll never see them again in my life…

And as uncomfortable or whatever you might want to call reaching into your wallet to give a very generous tip is – it always feels awesome once you do it.

The best part? I left my apartment 15 minutes later and the guys were all outside their truck eating lunch. They were all thrilled and said thank you so many times over.

It felt great. And it’s nice to get that feedback (“Oh, you look so great!” “You’ve lost so much weight!” “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” as someone starts noticing you.)

But it feels even better for ourselves. It changes us. In fact, because I value how I feel, it’s not uncomfortable for me to reach into my wallet and give a generous tip. It’s worth it to me. It makes me feel good.

(For some people, and I know this from seeing it many times over – the thought of reaching into their wallet makes them very unhappy.)

In fact, because I value how I feel, I *try* to embrace the discomfort when I have a strong craving or urge. Because it makes me feel good to stick to my long term goals.

Our template for today: When we do what we know is right, we’ll feel far happier than the alternative.

P.S. After that first summer, and every summer after that until I was able to drive, I insisted on taking my mom out to dinner as a way to thank her for driving me so early every morning. That felt good too.