When sh*t hits the fan, and it always does, usually the first thing we forget about is our health and fitness.

When we’re stressed, it affects our eating and exercise. When other areas of our life are suffering – it affects our eating and exercise, too.

I’ve spent hours on the phone and email going back and forth with clients talking nothing about their health and fitness. Yet, it has everything to do with their health and fitness.

So here’s the 2 arrow approach to life, I’d like you to try:

When something bad happens to us, it’s as if we’re hit by 2 arrows. The bad/stressful/annoying/unhappy/sad/scary/hurtful thing is usually very real. Let’s call that the first arrow.

For example, if we get into a car accident, it’s at the very least, annoying. This is the first arrow.

We then might start to think how unlucky we are, how we can’t catch a break, why we even left at that time, why we took that particular route, and we keep replaying the incident in our heads. That is the second arrow.

The second arrow is so treacherous because we don’t realize we have control over it.

We can try to structure our life in a way that minimizes our chance of getting hit by arrows, or we can deliberately practice how we’re affected by the second arrow.

The best way to practice this is to be conscious of when we’re indulging in self-pity, and re-playing and realizing that this pain is within our control. These are the second arrows.

See what happens when you focus on the second arrow. Just being aware of it can make a huge difference.

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Many of us have addictions to certain types of food. For example, every night after dinner this one client ‘has to have’ her mint chocolate ice cream. Another client is ‘addicted’ to his chips with lunch.

I wanted to share this email exchange I had with one of my diamond clients. She happens to be addicted to chocolate.

She writes:

“I am wondering about the best way to handle cravings long term. For instance, when I was craving the chocolate, I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted chocolate. I know that it would be better to eat some fruit rather than the chocolate, but wouldn’t it be best to not eat at all, since I’m trying to eat only when I’m hungry?”

I wrote the following:

First off, let’s focus on today and this week. When we slowly and gradually change our behaviors the long term will take care of itself.

When it comes to cravings and temptations, remember, we’re thinking irrationally. Any food that makes us think irrationally is what I call a temptation. So even if we’re stuffed, we’ll still be able to find room for it. It’s not about whether we’re physically hungry or not.

The key to getting over this addiction is baby steps. Asking you to essentially quit a behavior is much harder than asking you to change it.

For example, usually, we have a craving and then we eat whatever it is we’re craving.

What you’re suggesting is going from having a craving to doing nothing at all. That’s very hard because you’re a) not eating anything and b) not eating the chocolate.

A much easier way to fight cravings is to eat something (like fruit) – but not exactly what you (think) you want. Then, once the emotional attachment is removed, it’ll be much easier to quit eating when we have cravings altogether. Does this make sense?

[Note: this is purely tactical. There's underlying reasons why we want the chocolate as well.]

She replies with:

“Yes, this makes very good sense.”

She then sent me something to read. She writes, “It sounds so much like what you say, except approached from a Buddhist point of view. She then writes, “Perhaps you were a Buddhist monk in your past life. ”

Perhaps.

I wrote back, “It’s very good. I think, though, at the end of the day we just gotta ‘jump in that pool’.

Meaning we can read and read about this but if we’re not practicing the discomfort, nothing will change.”

It’s essential to realize this: Real – long-lasting – change is uncomfortable.

I was watching an infomercial the other night and I started laughing out loud when one of the actors said, “It was so easy I didn’t feel like I was exercising!!!” after using this crazy contraption.

Ugh! What?

There’s no way to get around the discomfort. Sure, we can make it less uncomfortable by taking baby steps and having a game plan we feel comfortable with. But at the end of the day, we have to embrace some sort of discomfort – or else, we’re not changing.

If it was so easy to change our behaviors for the long term, we’d all do it. It’s hard.

It takes courage (to start), patience, persistence (which means wanting the same thing over and over) and a lot of support and accountability.

She responded to my ‘jump in the pool comment’ with this:

“Yes, you are absolutely right. If I could be thin and fit by reading and studying, I would be one of the thinnest and fittest people around.”

I’ll never forget watching Jack Lalanne on TV when I was little kid. Whether it was his juicer infomercials, his exercise segments on talk shows or his insane feats of strength like towing boats while shackled, I was always so inspired by him.

I vividly remember watching him on talk shows and TV thinking how unbelievable he was. I remember getting so inspired after watching him, I’d exercise right then and there.

I mean if HE could do a gazillion push ups (a 70+ year young man at the time), how can’t I at least do some?

Jack LaLanne was known as “The Godfather of Fitness.” He believed that our health account is our wealth account.

He often said, “I can’t die, it would ruin my image.”

Ernest Becker’s classic, The Denial of Death reminds us that when it comes to our mortality, there is no uncertainty principle. We will die, he reminded us. We cannot not die.

Yet, it is what we do in a doomed attempt to refute the irrefutable first principle that defines us and gives our lives meaning.

Becker believed that each of us makes sense of our existence through an “immortality project” – a personal mission that allows us to cheat death. Whether it is by turning out babies or books or blog posts or students, creating companies or helping to build them, or collecting model trains or Facebook friends – whatever they might be – we all have our immorality project(s).

If anyone wanted to be immortal and believed they actually could be; it was him. Jack was doing things in his late 80’s that many of us can only dream of.

But because, sadly, even Jack isn’t immortal – the only thing we can do to keep him living on is to spread his work.

In honor of Jack, and from what I know about him (having read his last book), he’d be thrilled if we all exercised today.

However, not just exercise because Jack wasn’t about just exercising. He was about going above and beyond. I mean, his feats of strength are amazing!

So, if you were planning on exercising, I’d like you to do a little extra for Jack. And if you weren’t, let’s make time – even if it’s for 5 minutes. On your feedback tonight, write, “And in honor of Jack, I did…”

I bet Jack would get a kick out of it. After all, if we want to honor those we loved and admired and were impacted by, we have to keep their memory alive.

Jack, no one pulled off a track suit quite like you. Your enthusiasm and belief in what you do will always inspire me. Thank you!

Some of us feel so in control during the day but when it gets dark out, our rational and long term mind go to sleep, and it’s very hard for us to control our eating.

Night time is when many of us emotionally eat (eating to change the way we feel) because it’s the first chance we actually have all day to feel. But, many of us, rather not feel.

So we eat.

However, the only way to overcome emotional eating is to let ourselves actually feel.

It’s helpful if we ask ourselves some questions at night (or whenever) so we can figure out exactly what it is we’re feeling.

Here are some to get us started:

What does the nighttime represent to you?

Are you lonely?

Do you wish you were with a lover?

Are you dreading another day of work?

Are you overwhelmed by the stuff all around you?

Are you extremely bored?

Are you not intellectually challenged?

Do you have a significant other/spouse that makes you feel even more lonely
because you don’t connect with them in a way that you want to be?

If we want to crack the code on why we overeat at night, let’s start asking
ourselves these questions.

Here’s the deal though: deep down we may know (even though we might not want to) the real reason. And if we don’t know why, asking these questions will help.

Making big life changes is terrifying. Change is absolutely scary.

But if we’re going to ’stick it out’ whatever it is, and choose (because it is a choice) unhappiness over uncertainty here’s my advice:

Make the best of your situation and accept it.

But don’t fight reality. A reality that’s in our control to change.

Because we can change it. Or we can make the best of it. But complaining is just useless.

It’s as useless as crapping in one hand and hoping in the other, and seeing which one fills up first.

My mantra (who doesn’t love a good mantra?): Change what is, or love what is.

Let’s start thinking about these and, as always, I’m here for you.