Why some clients think I'm annoying

Hahahaha! I have to laugh with a subject line like that but I know it's the truth...

Thankfully, it's only temporary.

As Dorie eloquently wrote a while back..."sometimes she hates me." (Thankfully, a wise woman always told me that hate is the closest thing to love so I don't get offended.)

Question for ya: Ever give a friend relationship advice, and as soon as you finish telling him/her they get all defensive and mad? Sometimes, they even start yelling back at you! Well, as insane as that is, it's because most of us want to be told what we want to hear...not what we NEED to hear.

As my brother in law always says, there's two types of good. Good and good for nothing! (That's how I feel about advice.)

But let's talk about why I'm annoying. What got me thinking was a phone call I had last night with a client.

We'll call him "Mikey". Mikey joined MBT wanting to get in shape for his wedding day. He told me he has started countless diets before, and always does good for the first few pounds or so...and then falls off track, like most of us do.

Well Mikey has been DOMINATING! We had lost 20+ pounds, and he was as motivated and determined as ever.

And then...

And then slowly but surely, he has become too busy to submit his feedback every night. Slowly but surely, he's happy that he is maintaining his weight instead of losing it.

So last night, when we spoke, I asked him what was going on, and why he hasn't been submitting his feedback regularly for the last week or so.

He basically said, "It's kinda annoying. And that he's really busy."

Boom! So much truth...

Mikey is smart enough to know what he's doing. He's a smart guy. But I explained to him why he's doing it.

I love exploring the psychological reasons behind our actions. After all, it's ALL psychological...

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Let's talk about cognitive dissonance. This happens when we have two conflicting desires. For example, smoking. It is well known that smoking cigarettes can cause lung cancer yet every person I've ever met wants to live a long, healthy and fit life.

The uncomfortable tension caused by these two opposing ideas is known as dissonance. As humans, we look to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling. This is known as dissonance reduction.

The only way to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling is by a) quitting smoking b) denying that people actually get sick from smoking or c) justifying and rationalizing.

For example, a smoker could rationalize their behavior by believing that few people get sick from smoking, it only happens to people who smoke more than they do, if smoking doesn't kill them something else will, they'll quit next year or they only live once and they deserve to smoke.

In essence, they either need to take action (quit smoking and get whatever help they need this is very hard!) or they need to make themselves feel better by rationalizing their smoking which is what most people do (

Knowing this, let's talk about why Mikey is finding MBT annoying as of late. :(

I'll tell you why:

F.E.A.R.

It comes down to either fear of change, fear of failure or fear of success.

There's an old saying I love:

"The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed."

In this case, because Mikey was DOMINATING, he realized he was going to have to change for the long term. And unfortunately, real change is uncomfortable.

He got scared.

Because deep down, he wasn't totally prepared to let go of emotional eating.

In his mind, he needs to emotionally eat and he can't imagine life without doing so...

His success made him fear the change.

So what do we do if we're Mikey?

We have to reduce the dissonance because when there is a disconnect between what we really WANT to do (eating right, exercising, etc.,) and what we're ACTUALLY doing, uncomfortable feelings and unhappiness ensue.

Because he doesn't want to feel that dissonance or discomfort or resistance (whatever you want to call it) he has to remove the accountability. By submitting every night, it was making him feel bad. (Not to toot my own horn but this is precisely WHY MBT works so well. That's what accountability does. It holds our feet to the fire. Okay...sorry. The self promotion train is leaving. Choo! Choo!)

Mikey was coming up with all sorts of excuses because he didn't want to face the discomfort anymore. His main excuse? He was too busy to submit his feedback every night. Interesting.

He has to get rid of that discomfort somehow...so he'll find anything and latch on to it so he can ease the tension. (Ahhh yes...submitting a feedback is a pain in the butt and it takes time. And it's annoying! Yes! Whew. Now I can rationalize my excuse - and not feel bad.)

Of course, I know Mikey doesn't REALLY think MBT is annoying. Annoying is a code word for the discomfort and resistance he's facing.

(Quick note on being too busy. We're all too busy for a lot of things but somehow I manage to watch plenty of reality TV every week. My personal favorite: I'm proud to say is The Real Housewives. They're ALL addicting! Ugh.)

The real problem ISN'T that it takes too much time to submit a feedback. We make time for what's important to us.

The real problem is that he can't imagine staying consistent for the long term. Why? Because he's never stayed consistent for the long term! What he WAS doing was sabotaging himself. I'm thrilled to say Mikey is back on track now.

My next inspiration will talk about self-sabotage and why we do it - so we can prevent it from happening to you.

Instead of criticizing or shaming him like so many people out there would do (because it's the obvious and easy thing to do), it's far more effective to help him understand his own behavior. (Shaming or criticizing never leads to long lasting change.)

Fighting human nature is silly.

Instead, when we understand what's going on around us, it makes it a lot easier to call it what it is and move on...and start dominating again! :)

-Adam

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